Tea with an Empress
by josiahstick
Summary: Four Shadows come to play with Haru. But they have two very different ideas of playtime. Mayhem ensues as our precious cinnamon roll does what she does best! [also posted on AO3.]


_**Hey folks! Just taking a bit of a break to write a silly little thing about Haru. Hope you enjoy!**_

 _ **(Akira/Makoto ship is referenced in like one brief dialogue bit and is only keeping in continuity with my other story. You should be able to enjoy this even if you aren't a fan of the ship ;) )**_

* * *

"So, that's that!" Joker declared excitedly. They had just taken care of the cheater Negima, the man who had been hacking Gun About and taking financial advantage of his family for his own frivolous purposes. With that done, the Phantom Thieves were ready to exit Mementos.

"I can't wait to leave," Queen commented from behind the wheel of the Mona bus. "Looking at all these Shadows is gonna give me nightmares!"

"Don't worry, my Queen," Joker said sweetly to his girlfriend. "If you have any bad dreams, I'd be happy to help."

"Dude," Skull reminded him, "you're always talkin' about those weird dreams you're havin' about shit happening to us. Maybe you should take care of those first."

"That reminds me," Noir chimed in, "I had a dream about Shadows."

"A dream about Shadows?" Panther wondered, concerned. "Was it a bad dream?"

"No, not at all," Noir replied. The memory of it made her feel very happy inside. "It was actually…"

* * *

Haru looked about the elegant room in which she had awakened. It was well-furnished, with a small table and many a teapot scattered about in a tiny kitchen. It looked quite like a child's tea party playset. She wondered why she had awakened in such a pretty room, but decided it didn't matter too much.

So, Haru decided to have a cup of tea. As she did so, she heard several strange voices. As she turned to see what it was, she saw a few Shadows coming her way.

Haru yelped and leaped back. "Wha-what do you want from me?!" she cried out at them. Before here were a black goop-like creature, a single-eyed star thing, and two strange insect men.

"Please, fear not, Empress!" the star creature told her. "I am Decarabia. These are my friends. We have simply come to play with you."

"To… play with me?" Haru's face took on a light smile.

"That is correct," the goop confirmed, "I am Black Ooze. I would like to discuss important matters as well. We wish to negotiate a treaty."

"A treaty?" Haru was curious. "Is that so?"

"Indeed," one of the insects said. "I am Mothman, and this is my brother, Mothman. We are pleased to meet you."

"Hello," the other Mothman said meekly.

Haru sized up the four monsters, and her innocent-looking eyes sparkled brightly, as if light were dancing inside them. "I see. Very well, then. What would you like to play?"

"How about a tea party?" Decarabia proposed. "It will be a wonderful way for us to bond as companions."

"Indeed," Black Ooze agreed, "any sort of diplomatic negotiation is best done with tea."

"That sounds fun!" Mothman said excitedly. "I've never had tea before! It should be delicious."

"Hello," the other Mothman said meekly.

"Is that all he ever says?" Haru wondered.

"Hello," the other Mothman said meekly.

"It would seem so," Mothman lamented, sadly, "since the accident, he has been unable to say any other words besides that simple greeting. It was so terrible."

"An accident?" Haru inquired, "my, what happened to the poor thing?"

"He was whacked in the head with an axe," Black Ooze recounted, "and suffered a terrible case of brain damage."

Haru was not aware that Shadows had brains. This knowledge both disturbed and excited her.

"I see," she smiled, somewhat sympathetically. "It must have been very painful. I can only imagine the suffering the blow of the axe put you through, Sir Mothman."

"Hello," the other Mothman said meekly.

"Yes," Decarabia added. "He came to the meeting the next day with his wings broken. They were thankfully mended, but it's unlikely he'll ever be able to fly again. Were he not given proper care, he would have died soon after. It was a miracle he survived…"

"That's terrible!" Haru gasped. "Do you have any idea who could have done such a wicked thing to poor Sir Mothman?"

"Not certain," Mothman answered. "But we do hope that they are properly punished."

Black Ooze cleared its throat. "Uh…"

"Oh yes, I forgot," Mothman remembered. "Empress, will you please get on with the tea preparations?"

"By all means," Haru affirmed, curtsying at the friendly Shadows. She then approached the stove, and began boiling the water in a huge teapot.

Soon enough, Haru had completed the tea, and was grinning from ear to ear. She handed each Shadow a cup of tea, and they bent their odd little heads and mouths to begin drinking.

"Is it to your satisfaction?" Haru said kindly. "I added extra milk and extra extra sugar for you lovely creatures. I'm certain it will be most enjoyable." She giggled happily as she drank her own tea.

"Yes, Empress," Decarabia said, pleased, "it is quite delicious. You have done a wonderful job."

"Wonderful indeed!" Mothman added, drinking it down with delight. "I do quite like the extra extra sugar."

"Yes," Black Ooze affirmed, "it is splendid, but—"

"Hello," the other Mothman said meekly.

"Brother?" Mothman inquired, "why are you not drinking your tea?"

"Hello," the other Mothman said again, shaking its head. It had not taken a single sip of tea. It looked at Haru. Haru locked eyes with it for a moment, and saw fear. It was absolutely petrified. Haru returned its gaze with a cold, witch-like glare.

"Do not worry, Sir Mothman!" Haru told it in a gentle voice. "The tea is quite alright! Here, please have some." Haru approached the other Mothman, and, grabbing it by the antennae, tilted its head upwards with her left hand, pouring tea into its mouth with her right. The mostly mute creature gargled unintelligibly.

"Hellooo _oooggaaaahhhhaeelooloooooeeeelloooahhhhelllppppp… !"_ the other Mothman cried meekly.

"Brother?" Mothman inquired. "Did you say another word? Are you alright?"

The other Mothman swallowed its tea meekly. "Hello…" It sounded quite dejected.

"Oh, I'm certain it was nothing," Haru assured Mothman, patting the other Mothman gently on the head. "He was just confused about the tea. Probably wanted to be certain of the ingredients." Haru giggled again, this time with a noticeable mischievous ring to her voice. "I'm sure everything will be all right!"

"If you say so," Mothman said nervously, returning to its own tea.

"Helloooo…"

"Anyway," Black Ooze said, "as I said, we are here to negotiate a treaty, Empress. To be precise, a peace treaty. It is common knowledge that you have been getting into many hostile encounters with others of our kind. We have no idea who is at fault in these violent episodes, but Shadow citizens frequently return to us injured, or even dismembered, all reporting an encounter with you."

"Right," Decarabia noted, "I'd almost forgotten. If you performed these actions in self-defense, you are certainly not at fault, however we cannot be certain. Reports vary wildly in consistency and credibility. Therefore, we want to establish an agreement."

Haru nodded gracefully. "I understand."

"Wait," Mothman said, "no one mentioned this to me. What exactly is—"

"Hello…" the other Mothman sounded desperate. Its body was shaking.

Haru smiled.

"Ah, that is true," She stifled a giggle. "Tee hee… that tea's not quite ordinary!" Her laugh sent shivers down the Shadows' backs. They were taken aback by her sudden shift in attitude. "That extra extra sugar is going to make things so much more enjoyable!"

"Empress," Decarabia asked, its voice sounding confused, "what is the meaning of thi-AH!" The star creature suddenly collapsed, convulsing in pain. Haru scooped him up in her arms like a baby.

"Aww, you precious little thing," she cooed at it, "are you sick? My, my you're so cute… I just wanna _eat you up!"_ She giggled at it with a sadistic mix of mirth and malevolence, thoroughly delighted. "Please, let me ease your pain."

"Put me down!" cried Decarabia, terrified. "Please, put me down, put me down!"

"Oh, you want to be put down?" Haru whispered softly, squeezing it a little tighter. Decarabia shrieked in terror.

"Please, Empress," Black Ooze begged. "Have mercy! Please do as he says and put him down!"

"Oh, _alright,"_ Haru said in an annoyed, childlike tone, as if she were a toddler being told to go to bed by their mother. She tightened her grip further, squeezing the life out of Decarabia. He coughed and stopped moving.

 _ **CRITICAL**_

Black Ooze and the Mothmen screamed.

 _"Not like that!"_ shouted Black Ooze in a panic.

"DECARABIA!" Mothman cried in shock. "My god… Empress! Please be reasonable!"

"Helloooo _oooo...ppp…"_ the other Mothman whimpered meekly.

"Oh, I don't feel like being reasonable," Haru said in a happy and upbeat tone as she dropped Decerabia's bleeding corpse. "This is so much more fun!"

"No!" Black Ooze screeched. "Please spare our lives! _Please!_ "

 _"Hellloooppp-ACK!"_ The other Mothman began throwing up. Haru lifted her grenade launcher and aimed straight at its head…

"PLEASE DON'T!" Mothman screamed. "Brother!"

 _"Help!"_ the other Mothman cried meekly. But it was too late for that; Haru fired a volley of explosives upon the helpless creature.

 **WEAK**

With that, the creature was vaporized, and Haru moved onto the next Mothman, which tried to fly away. But Haru's aim and timing was too good.

 _ **WEAK**_

With that, the only one left was Black Ooze.

"Come, Milady!" Haru shouted. Her Persona materialized above her head, and Black Ooze began to cry.

"Empress!" shouted Black Ooze, "why must you do this?! Please, think of the children!"

"Shadows don't have children," Haru told it, laughing derisively at the notion. _"PSIODYNE!"_

 _ **WEAK**_

Black Ooze was knocked to the ground. Haru lifted her axe high above its head to finish it off.

"Please, please!" it shouted, "please consider what you are doing!"

 _"BREAKDOWN!"_ Haru shouted euphorically, as she began to lower the blade of her weapon upon Black Ooze's head, and—

 _ **TECHNICAL**_

* * *

"It was actually quite fun!" Noir finished, smiling happily. Yes, it had been a very good dream. It made her feel very warm and fuzzy inside. After destroying those Shadows in her dream, she had felt an immense sense of satisfaction.

"Fun?" Fox wondered. "What kind of fun?"

"I can't imagine a dream about Shadows being fun…" Queen sighed. "Noir, how do you approach them so easily?"

"I don't know," Noir said simply, "I just find them to be so un-threatening. Hahahahaha!"

Caught up in the memory of her lovely dream, Haru giggled uncontrollably for a good long time.

No one was quite sure how to react. They all barely spoke as they traveled the rest of the way out of Mementos.

* * *

 ** _Thanks for reading! This was inspired by a couple different fanarts I saw on Tumblr, by artists shinoot and aahzrukhals. It takes place right after chapter eleven of my current, much more ambitious story,_ The Many Arrests of the Phantom, _although continuity isn't too relevant to the entertainment value here._**

 ** _I had this idea a few days ago and decided to take a little break from writing that fic to write this. My collaborator on that story, Mac, read this over and gave me a few pointers, but this one shot was 99.99% me. I hope you enjoyed this! If you did and want to see more of my writing, please feel free to check out Arrests as well; it's really good! At least, I've been told. I would love to have more people check it out. I'm still working on it, and the next chapter is coming soon! (Be warned it contains no end of spoilers.)_**

 ** _If you really like this and/or my other work, please check out my Tumblr page and give me a follow if irregular reblogs and occasional original writing pieces from me interests you. If you really really like my work, you can buy me a coffee on Ko-fi or you can just drop me kudos and/or a comment. I really appreciate those. Thanks again and have a great day! :D_**


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